Dear Hollywood,

I write this with a heavy heart. I never imagined we would need to have this talk. I think I’ve been pretty understanding in the past, don’t you? I stayed quiet when you replaced Gene Wilder with Johnny Depp in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. I bit my tongue when after 20 years you chose to release Die Hard and Rambo sequels. I only grumbled a little when I saw 90210 in the Fall 2008 TV lineup… although I do want to ask- did you not learn anything from Saved by the Bell: The New Class?

I had my emotions in check. I admit I even became prideful of it. I didn’t think there was anything you could do that I wouldn’t be able to handle. But this? This is low. Even for you. Today I hear that you’re planning to remake Footloose? And you want Zac Efron to play Ren?! Why do you hate me so? Step away from the edge. This is a ridiculous idea. Never, never did I imagine one day wanting to bond with my daughter over Kenny Loggins and red boots, only to have to specifically request that we watch the “original.”

Don’t do this to me. It won’t be only me you’re hurting. You do know that the writers have not been on strike for a while now, right? Please- do us both a favor and ask them for new material. And just in case you try to relive your other glory days, here is a list of a few things that you should know are off limits:

– The Breakfast Club

– Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

– Back to the Future

– Say Anything

– The Goonies

– When Harry Met Sally

– Pretty Woman

– Flight of the Navigator

– WKRP in Cincinnati

Please take this complaint seriously. I’m not afraid to organize an original fan club if I have to.

Heartbroken,

Jeannie