Snowberries and Sunbeams

My heart hurt yesterday.

After talking and crying with Matt about the cancer our pastor is fighting, my best friend’s dad is fighting, his friend is fighting, the cancer that seems to be surrounding us at the moment, I felt raw. There’s no other way to describe it.

It felt like every nerve ending was exposed and the slightest breeze brought pain.

I turned off the tv and the computer and the phones, because they have become the bearers of bad news.

I went to my favorite chair and I sat in silence. I needed to hold completely still, completely silent, and just be. I needed to focus on breathing.

It was the best thing I could have done. While I sat, waiting to feel normal again, the sun dropped a little lower in the sky. And although I wasn’t previously aware of it, I discovered that my chair is in the ideal spot in our living room.

There are apparently a few minutes each day, minutes I sat trying to recover yesterday, when the sun shines directly through the wreath hanging on the window in our door and straight onto my chair.

And while I know that other people might think sitting in a house being blinded by the sun isn’t so great, for me it was perfect.

I was directly in the path of sunshine, and there’s something magical about having light wash over you and nothing else in the room, and as a bonus, the sun brought with it a clear view of snowberries.

As I sat, basking in warm light, watching dust specks dance in front of me, I noticed that everything seemed to hurt a little less. And for that- the dust and the light and the warmth- I am thankful.

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