Stirring Up

Today the memories of my grandfather are so strong, he’s almost tangible.

They descended swiftly and violently and I was left breathless.

We are gardening this week and I think spending the days outdoors in the dirt and the sun acted as a trigger.

This morning as we sat around the kitchen table eating breakfast and planning the day, I thought of him stirring his coffee cup and looking out at his fields.

As I watched Matt raking the weeds in a cowboy hat and boots, I remembered Granddad giving me his blessing on my choice of husband.

Seeing Abby delight in digging for worms and planting seeds, I couldn’t help but think of how much she is like my grandfather and how much he would have adored her.

I can’t do it justice. The vast amount of remembrance that has assaulted me today. It’s as though all of my life with him was hidden in the earth, and each raking of the surface causes a memory to rise alongside the dark soil.

Riding with the truck windows down, stopping to eat a hamburger at a picnic table, the card games, the laughter, his hands, that thick, thick hair of his, the fishing and hunting trips, the nicknames, the hearing aids that whistled at pretty girls, the barbeque and root beer floats, the stories of simpler times, the cookie stash, the dancing, the music that he made on the organ, the bagpipes and the record player.

There are times when I have this overwhelming desire to create something for Abby. Some piece of myself that will remind her of me when she’s old and I’m gone. But then I have days like today when the simple act of tilling the land makes me relive a hundred memories of my grandfather. And I realize, I don’t need to make her a memory box.

I simply need to do what Granddad did: I need to live my life and let her live hers alongside of me. I need to let her watch me do the same thing over and over and let her help me with the simple chores and talk to her and be silent with her. And then one day when she’s grown and going about her daily life, she won’t have to go looking for me- I’ll already be there.

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2 Comments to “Stirring Up”

  1. I really wish you would warn me when you do stuff like this……


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