I’m Not Laughing

When Abby was little, the doctors told us that she couldn’t have seasonal allergies because she hadn’t been exposed to them long enough. The reasoning was that people have to first spend time around the irritant before they actually become allergic to it.

While I didn’t believe the doctors in regards to my kid, I’m stealing the rationale.

You see, I think I’ve reached my tolerance level for “LOL” and I’m officially allergic.

It didn’t use to bother me but now I keep finding those three little letters everywhere and it drives me insane. Seriously, my eye starts to twitch.

I’m not talking about the people who use it in response to something, I’m talking about it being part of an original piece of writing.

Each time I see “lol” I have to stop and think, “Does that mean she’s laughing out loud, or does it mean that I should be laughing out loud?” Then I get annoyed because I don’t show emotion on command. I’ll laugh when I feel like it thank you very much.

Having said that, let me be honest- I have a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor so if I ever announce that I’m laughing out loud you should assume I’m lying.

Time Change Ridiculousness

Here’s the truth of the matter- I despise the annual time change. And the first clock manipulation of the year is really where my hatred is directed.

First off, we have to “spring forward” an hour. I immediately resent the fact that it’s made to sound fun. Like “springing” is something we should do joyously. Ha! It’s just a verbal trick to mask the fact that we’re losing an hour of sleep. And let’s be honest, I don’t have an hour to lose. I don’t have a minute to spare. In fact, if anyone has an abundance of time, I’m buying.

Secondly, there’s the whole “run around your house trying to find and change every clock” fiasco. And there’s always one clock left behind. One little time keeper that doesn’t get noticed until you get a phone call from the school saying, “We’re about to miss happy hour because you have yet to pick up your child. Will you be here soon?”

Thirdly, I really don’t appreciate waking up in the morning and it being pitch black outside. Not when I’m a firm believer in working the same shift as the sun.

I realize that this comes around every year. I still hate it. I rebel. Arizona and Hawaii don’t even participate in this stupid ritual. Why should I?

I try and stick it to the man in my own little way. How? I never change my watch.

That’s right- for all 12 months of the year, my watch follows the same military time format. It doesn’t spring anywhere. There’s no falling back necessary. It just keeps time.

I would rather mentally add an hour than push those buttons twice a year.

And I’m not going to lie to you. It makes me more than a little bit giddy when someone glances at my watch and has a mini panic attack that they’re not on time.

One More Pound…

forgot to add my least favorite thing about Seven Pounds… as if there could be more… one scene shows Will Smith going into an office and the camera zooms in on the door which says, “Department of Children Safety / Department of Family Sevices”. Are you kidding me? No one in the entire cast and crew noticed a giant misspelled word? Unbelievable.

Seven Pounds of Frustration

If you have not seen the new Seven Pounds movie with Will Smith, and have any desire or hope to one day see it, then you should probably stop reading and leave this blog for a later date.

Seriously, I’m about to spoil the whole movie for you if you keep going…

Your choice.

I went to see this last night by myself. (I know- “A movie by yourself? That’s so sad!” But not for me. I love going to movies alone. After all, when I go with someone else, it isn’t like we’re spending quality time together. We sit side by side, facing forward, and hopefully don’t speak for 2 hours.) Continuing… I went to see Seven Pounds even though I knew it had received some of the worst reviews of all time next to the Waterworld debacle. But poor reviews tend to intrigue me. I just want to see for myself how bad it is. Kind of like tasting something that your friend has just declared disgusting. I should have stayed away.

In all honesty, the movie isn’t that bad. The acting is fine. The cinematography is average. There isn’t some unresolvable plot confusion like in The Lake House. My problem lies with the content. So here is the plot in a nutshell, aka the spoiler: Will Smith’s character has been in a car crash where he is the lone survivor. In order to deal with his remorse and depression, he decides to commit suicide. But before he takes his life he anonymously goes about finding “good” people who need an organ transplant so that when he kills himself he can be their donor.

I was fine while I was watching it. But as soon as it was over, I was furious. I’ve never felt such strong feelings about the wrongness of a movie. I hate that this movie attempted to somehow glorify suicide. I hate that it tried to make audiences feel like Will Smith’s character was such a nice, good guy for donating his organs to these deserving people. I know people who decided to end their lives and there’s nothing glorious or selfless about it. I hate the idea that not only did this character believe it was his right to choose when he lives and dies, but the idea that he would also determine whether seven other people live or die is appalling to me. Deciding that you know better than God when your time is up is one big issue, but feeling as though you can also judge the worthiness of someone else’s life is unbelievable.

I know the movie is fictional. I know it’s just a movie. I know I need to let this go. But I hate that this movie could change the way in which some people think about suicide. That it could make them think that as long as you’re generous on the way out, then killing yourself is an acceptable, even noble option.

Now that you know how I feel, aren’t you glad I went to the movie alone?

Dear Hollywood,

I write this with a heavy heart. I never imagined we would need to have this talk. I think I’ve been pretty understanding in the past, don’t you? I stayed quiet when you replaced Gene Wilder with Johnny Depp in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. I bit my tongue when after 20 years you chose to release Die Hard and Rambo sequels. I only grumbled a little when I saw 90210 in the Fall 2008 TV lineup… although I do want to ask- did you not learn anything from Saved by the Bell: The New Class?

I had my emotions in check. I admit I even became prideful of it. I didn’t think there was anything you could do that I wouldn’t be able to handle. But this? This is low. Even for you. Today I hear that you’re planning to remake Footloose? And you want Zac Efron to play Ren?! Why do you hate me so? Step away from the edge. This is a ridiculous idea. Never, never did I imagine one day wanting to bond with my daughter over Kenny Loggins and red boots, only to have to specifically request that we watch the “original.”

Don’t do this to me. It won’t be only me you’re hurting. You do know that the writers have not been on strike for a while now, right? Please- do us both a favor and ask them for new material. And just in case you try to relive your other glory days, here is a list of a few things that you should know are off limits:

– The Breakfast Club

– Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

– Back to the Future

– Say Anything

– The Goonies

– When Harry Met Sally

– Pretty Woman

– Flight of the Navigator

– WKRP in Cincinnati

Please take this complaint seriously. I’m not afraid to organize an original fan club if I have to.

Heartbroken,

Jeannie

Disliking Dora

Abby is going through a Dora phase. Fine, I can outlive Dora. But in the meantime, I have a few issues with the creators. I realize that Dora was created before Diego, but still, didn’t she “arrive” around 2000? Not exactly the first cartoon character ever. So what’s with Dora’s outfit? Why does she have a pink shirt, orange shorts, and yellow socks? Why is her pink shirt just a little too short so that you see a line of belly when she stretches? Why is her head shaped like a football? And why, and this is the big one, why, when Dora and Diego overlap in episodes, is Dora’s head twice the size of Diego’s?

All I can think is that Dora is the cousin that is just a little bit off. The one you hope doesn’t come to the family reunion but of course she’ll be there. And you know she’ll follow you around the entire time.

Couldn’t the creators have made her a little more lovable? A little less mismatched? A little more of a normal sized and shaped head? Why did they do it? And who signs off on these sketches?